Tuesday, April 9, 2013
HE'S A HE SHE HE SHE HE SHE SHE HE ISN'T HE?
Resentment. That's what I feel every time I have to talk to him. You put
your heart out on the line and someone ends up being even more of a
woman than you... and not in a good way. This is the story I started in
my other 2 blog posts about Mr. X. I said I wouldn't resort to name calling
and trashing someone's name via a social network like he did... plus
his 4 oh so nosy snobby sisters. We'll get to them later. This is the part where I'm expecting a baby and the baby daddy and I had broken up even before we'd found out I was pregnant and the news had taken him by surprise so he was there though he was not. We tried to keep it casual, tried to remain friends for the sake of our kid but chemistrywise, na-ah. We had ended our relationship amicably and it was better if things remained that way. Mr.X,oh doteful pally pal, had promised to be there for me and my baby though I insisted that because I had my parents' support, I really didn't need to rely on anyone else. The baby daddy had no job and hadn't told his parents so I was just freaked out; wondering how he'd support me if every time I brought up hospital bills, he shut me out. He never texted or called unless I did so I felt like I was forcing him just talk to me let alone accept responsibility. The fact that he was acting that way stressed me out even more than the fact that I was pregnant at my first attempt at sex, at 19 and was expecting at 20. Way to kill 2 birds with one stone baby daddy. Hurrah! Plus his reasoning was wayyy off; asked what he thought about abortion, said that since we'd already broken one commandment;committed fornication and do not kill was also a commandment and there was no sin greater than the other... (way to reason Mr.doteful SDA;I feel much better!) I figured it'd be wise to give him some time to think, to really think, without him feeling like I was pressurizing him (as he said) while he was still in university. Abortion was out of the question. Me kill my own awesome genes? Early or not, I wanna see what ave created... hehe... So I stopped communicating with him and got a bit of a peace of mind because I didn't have to hear his lame hi's and fret over his ignorance over importance matters. My folks reasoned that he might be in a state of shock too and since men don't like showing their emotions much, he would come around... eventually. Still waiting for that to happen... even just 100bob credit would be a nice gesture...since he's not spent a cent on me or our baby <sigh> Why am I always the man in relationships??? Back to main topic of discussion, Mr.X. We had long talks and he understood that I expected nothing from him as far as my baby was concerned; just to be a father figure and a shoulder to lean on. I spelt that out perfectly because Mr.X was also in university and didn't have a job (way to go Alvina) so I honestly didn't expect any man to step in. I had a job and was, still am, a go-getter, plus, my parents were so understanding and even those I expected to condemn and shun me;my staunch Christian cousins and aunt; ended up being the most supportive of them all. Ironic,huh? I was independent and men took advantage of that, friends and frenemies too. No one ever paid the bill when they were with me. They always expected me to pay so do you think I seriously expected any one of these men to support me and my baby financially? No. I just enjoyed company and treasured friendship so dearly that I felt it didn't really matter who paid the bill. They do say it is better to give than to receive. My mum always told me these men were using me (most of my friends being men,well, boys plus the woman in Mr.X, you'll come to understand as the story progresses) and that the day I would be broke is the day I would come to know my real friends but I always rushed in to their rescue saying they were hustlers; they weren't expected to ask for cash from their parents unlike us girls who could so I didn't mind 'treating' them every once in a while. My mum just told me to be careful; after all, even when they had cash, none of them had ever treated me. Tskful. Meanwhile, Mr.X and I had gotten pretty close; kissing, making out and all. I reasoned that I was already pregnant. We had planned to go to second base but never really got the chance thank God! Well, if his mother hadn't walked in on us that day...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
stay strong.life is full of obstacles and you gonna face them.that is one which you battled with.
ReplyDeletethank you Mash. :)decided writing about it would help me get over it..eventually.
ReplyDelete