Monday, April 8, 2013
HE'S A HE SHE HE SHE HE SHE SHE HE HE IS
Resentment. That's what I feel every time I have to talk to him. You put
your heart out on the line and someone ends up being even more of a
woman than you... and not in a good way. This is the story I started in my other blog post about Mr. X. I said I wouldn't resort to name calling and trashing someone's name via a social network like he did... plus his 4 oh so nosy snobby sisters. so our story started when we met via Facebook and became great friends then made the mistake of hooking up via Skype. (instead of a normal date,lol.) I trusted him completely with all my weaknesses, all my vulnerabilities. I felt he understood me and accepted me for who I was. He knew about all my past relationships, what went wrong, how and where. Typical me told him all I did wrong because I believed he would not judge me and honesty was the best policy. Now I understand why some people lie; and others keep things to themselves. Trust no one but yourself. He used to see me as this wonderful go-getter before he got to learn about the pain hidden behind the smile... that he now terms as pretense yet others would just call it inner strength. No need to go frowning to the world when you can smile and instead be a blessing to others...it should have stayed that way. Anyhu,things were getting heated up on skype; we spoke for hours on-end yet we both lived in Nairobi and Eastlands for that matter so we still met in person and at the end of the day skyped till the wee hours of the morning! and used those hidden skype smileys TO THE FULLEST!!! Twas so much fun!! hehe... and he was so understanding when I told him I was 7wks pregnant and had decided to keep the baby... couldn't find it in my heart to kill an innocent soul. I would rather have killed the man responsible. (yes I was that bitter. If you've been in my position before where the irresponsible responsible man lets you down you understand) so I was very emotional and vulnerable n Mr.X was always there... Mr. Shoulder to lean on. <sigh> Turns out all his 4 sisters had gotten early pregnancies too and to add insult to injury, the 4th born sister(Mr.X is 5th) had gotten a second pregnancy just to tie down a man who didn't love her and was 1month pregnant but their parents hadn't found out yet. Our trouble, Mr.X and I, started when we started sexting on 8th Dec 2012 via skype... at around 3 a.m, wishing hour he said. It just... happened. You know what I mean. One moment we were talking about tight bras and the other tight boxers and well... TMI. :D Initially the conversation had bits and pieces of flirtations and insinuations towards direction X before we really got there. After some time I got scared because I did not want to lose our beautiful friendship. He too, feared the same thing but let me say I DREADED that very thing for I knew my weaknesses and was not sure if he'd see me the same way he always had when he did not know me so well, when all we could worry about was laughter. Sure, I'd told him stories of previous relationships and he knew even my bad side... everyone has one, don't deny you don't..lol. but I always wondered, 'What if it was him in the same position? How would he react to the situation?Would he be as understanding as Mr.Y? As don't care and callous as Mr. Z? or as touchy as Mr.K? It didn't strike me that he would end up being the most judgmental of them all... I mean, who doesn't have weaknesses?It's called being human. After some heated conversations for a couple of days I asked him if he was seeing someone because I wouldn't want us to go far with someone else in the picture. He told me he'd been seeing this girl for 2wks but quickly added that it wasn't official, he wasn't tied down or anything. If only he'd not offered to be there for me and another man's baby...
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erm... *chuckle* thnx. :)it's cz I do it straight from my heart. :)
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